This may not be news of any importance to the average person but to me this was like a dagger in my heart. I AM A KNITTER! If you need a hat, dear husband, just say, "Honey, I need a hat." You will have your choice of fibers, colors, gauges, and styles. You want a hat made out of pink lace weight cashmere? I can do that. You want a buffalo shaped hat made out of dog fur? I can do that. You want a hat with the encoded lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody knit into it? I CAN DO THAT.
It's not even like he could say, "Well honey, I bought a hat because I didn't know if you would have the yarn for a hat."
I have plenty of yarn.
This is where I store my yarn. All those drawers? You guessed it, full of yarn:
There is enough yarn in those drawers to make a hat. 121,879 yards of it to be precise. That is 69.25 miles of yarn. My yarn could be used to measure 2.6 marathons. That is the length of 134.3 Burj Khalifas. You could climb and descend Mt. Everest 6 times leaving a yarn trail and still have enough leftover to knit a smart cardigan.
Since the average hat takes about 200 yards of yarn, I have the potential to knit 609 hats. On top of that I also spin. If I included all of the fiber that I could spin I'd have the potential for many, many more hats.
More if they are baby hats. Less if they are the giant horrible heads of evil hat buying husbands.
Lesson of the day: If your wife is a knitter, and you find yourself in the position of needing a hat, just ask. If you are so desperate that you do have to purchase a hat, don't tell her. Have the good grace to at least lie and tell her that you are sooooo cold and couldn't possibly have any other hat than one that she lovingly created with her own hands. You will be gifted with a lovely creation of carefully chosen fiber in a suitable color with all of the properties that you most love in a hat.
I, on the other hand, will spend the rest of my day deciding how best to execute the knitting of a hat in barbed wire and stinging nettles.
You. Are a riot.
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